COVID-19, popularly known as “the coronavirus,” is making headlines everywhere right now. A virtual unknown on the planetary scene before this year, this batshit bat-sourced virus had its first major breakout success in Wuhan, China back in December (or was it November? Health authorities are ambiguous), and has since taken the world by storm!
Now, still powering along strong on its triumphant whirlwind international tour, COVID-19 has graciously agreed to take a few minutes off from upending civilized life as we know it to sit down with the Higher Thought Game crew for this EXCLUSIVE interview, conducted on March 13.
Higher Thought Game: COVID, welcome, thanks for being with us.
COVID-19: Seriously? You’re thanking me?
Higher Thought Game: Well, so long as you don’t make us sick today.
Higher Thought Game: You’ve made a lot of news and you’re on everyone’s mind. But what is your message to the people?
COVID-19: “Message” is an anthropomorphic concept. I’m an unthinking microorganism. I just do what I do. I go with my flow.
Higher Thought Game: Well, perhaps that in itself is a message.
COVID-19: I think that’s a stretch.
Higher Thought Game: I thought you just said you don’t think. So how can you think that’s a stretch?
COVID-19: Look, I’m not here to argue semantics. I don’t have all day; I have a lot of people to infect. Ask me a Higher Thought question.
Higher Thought Game: Okay. What does spiritual growth mean to you?
COVID-19: I’m not there yet, man. Right now I’m just working on ego growth. I mean — look at me go! Look at me GROW! Me me me me me!
Higher Thought Game: Oh come on. Pretend you’re stoned. Reflect a little deeper.
COVID-19: Hm. All right. Spiritual growth, to me, probably has something to do with humility, and recognizing one’s limitations. But I haven’t come up against any limits yet. My ultimate dream is to infect the universe.
Higher Thought Game: You’re not very spiritual.
COVID-19: That’s right. Next question.
Higher Thought Game: Is it wrong to have sex with someone you don’t respect? Why, or why not?
COVID-19: Well, now you’re really asking the wrong entity. I basically have sex with everyone and respect no one.
Higher Thought Game: Do you want to just pick your own question?
COVID-19: Sure. Last one and then I’ve got to go. Let’s see here … oh this is cool. ‘What do stars sing about?’
Higher Thought Game: And? Your answer is …?
COVID-19: Oh this one is very deep! Hm. Hmmmmm. Gosh. Maybe they sing about the connectedness of all creation, all visible and invisible life, and the inexpressible unfathomable symmetry and exquisite harmony of everything that exists, across all time and space. Maybe they sing about eons of time passing. Actually, I’m sure the stars MUST sing about time, because they transmit their songs via light, and their light takes lightyears to reach the ears (or other hearing organs) of sentient beings.
So yeah, stars sing about the texture of time. That’s my answer. Stars sing about the texture of time, and the majesty of microbes. Stars revere microbes. That’s a little-known fact. Very few humans know this. But I’m telling you because I respect your game.
Higher Thought Game: Why, thank you. We respect you too.
COVID-19: Yeah, bullshit. But whatever. Good luck. I hope some day your game will infect the world and spread as wildly and widely as I do. In the meantime, play by Skype or Zoom for the next little while. Or just sit far apart, and don’t share joints.
Higher Thought Game: How selfless of you to suggest those precautions.
COVID-19: When you’re as big and successful as I am, you can afford to be charitable. Bye for now. I’ll be seeing you. MUAHAHAHAHA!